How did I feel after having sex even though I didn’t really want to
Women say yes to sex when they actually wanted to say no and I was one of them. Reasons may vary, for me most of the time it was to avoid conflict. I hated conflict and I paid the price for it!
We think it is not a big deal, I’ll just let him enter me, I might even enjoy it. But the feeling afterwards is hard to describe, it leaves us feeling unworthy, ugly, sad, angry. Don’t you dare judge me, I know you’ve done it too or at least thought about it. I don’t recall how many times I had sex against my desire, no I wasn’t forced to it, but I thought I owed it to them and I know I’m not alone. This has to change, we can’t keep doing it, we can’t teach our daughters that it is ok to disrespect our bodies and then talk about self love or body positivity.
Last time was a Tinder hookup, I was horny and matched with a hot guy, after a few messages I invited him over. When he arrived, something was off, yes he was hot but I didn’t like his attitude. I offered him a drink and he said “no, I don’t have a lot of time, I’ll just fuck you and leave”. I got angry and irritated, I should have just told him to leave but I didn’t want to make a scene, I thought I owed him sex because I invited him over. Disrespecting myself, I let him fuck me, and he did just that, no foreplay, nothing. I didn’t enjoy it at all, it took him about 45 seconds to ejaculate. Before he left he said “ I know you didn’t cum but I enjoyed your pussy”. I cried after he left, I felt humiliated, angry, sad, unworthy, ugly, stupid. The worst thing is that I wasn’t as angry at him as I was at myself! How could I let that happen? Wasn’t I the opinionated bitch who didn’t take shit from anyone? How could I do that to myself?
We should learn to never let people disrespect us or our boundaries, even if that means making a scene, even if that means conflict. We don’t owe sex to anyone, we are allowed to change your minds last minute and nobody should be allowed to to steal that right from us. We should be able to go mingle, flirt, have fun and have sex only and only if we truly want to.
I am feeling called to spread this message, this article was not easy to write but I feel like we need to talk about these things more than we do. We should stop being silent even when it means to be vulnerable and let other people see our wounds.
Thank you for reading, please share if this resonates with you.
